Marriage and Redefining Our Identity with Zack and Daniella Peck

backgrounds

Daniella grew up Catholic. Her family is from Italy and England.  She knew of God, believed in Him but it was always more about the rituals and had never opened up God’s Word for herself.  Becoming a Christian was an easier transition as being raised Catholic meant believing in the same God but it became a more intimate, personal relationship with Him, knowing Jesus as God. 

Zack was adopted at a young age, knew his biological mom but never knew who his biological dad was and is still a mystery to this day.  That was the seed that brought him to the Lord yet for 12-14 years led him down a path of lies and destructive tendencies. 

Zack was raised in a Christian home and says he was a “Calvary kid”. or a “Sunday school kid”. Never had deep roots…”I was friends with kids who memorized the Bible but never knew them for myself”.  He identified with being the joker and says that was probably very reflective of His relationship with the Lord, would make light of it. Zack says, “A lot of the serious things, the things that would cultivate good growth, I joked about. The Bible talks about the idea of the double-minded man, I went to public school M-F and then Sunday, I’d be the “holy kid”. Growing up, he was trying to please my mom and go to church, please my friends and go to school. 

His relationship with the Lord didn’t start at this “wow” moment, it was a gradual thing.

“The Lord’s all about the long game”. — Zack

when and how they met

Daniella was in junior high when they met and Zack was a freshman in high school.  Zack had been telling himself being adopted didn’t affect him that much, but really the thoughts or lies were, “Your bio-mom doesn’t love you, this family just has to deal with you, the church friends don’t really know who you are, they don’t know the brokenness”.  He took those lies and responded with a relationship with Daniella. 

“Early on, you could see this bleeding heart that wasn’t being processed right” Zack shares.  In his quiet moments, there was this lack of depth, there was no processing outside of video games, joking with friends and starting broken relationships.  He started to let those things define who he was.

There was l lack of depth with friends, escapism and a very tainted view of women and relationships.  With mom, he had great respect for her but never saw proper processing with dad and his emotions. Zack had all these emotions but didn’t know what to do with them. The lie was that guys don’t process emotions, only girls do or to suppress emotions entirely.

They were on and off for 3 and a half years in this young romance, and because the Lord was not at the center of their relationship, a lot of heartbreak ensued.

idols and identities

In this time of dating, Daniella was invited to go to church with Zack and his family.  She felt the difference from what she experienced growing up in the Catholic church. She felt welcomed in and was forming relationships with people but she still didn’t have that personal relationship with the Lord yet.

She found a lot of her identity in Zack and other guys after him. When Zack’s invitation to church came, even though Daniella went, it was a bit tainted as he was living that double life, doing the “church” things but hurting her at the same time. 

As he stated earlier, his coming to Christ was a gradual thing. The Lord began to redefine things for Zack… he held friendships, his mom, relationships very high, too high, and these things he made idols of were beginning to be replaced and needed to be redeemed. As Zack started to open up and be vulnerable, he saw the Lord blessing that.

What Daniella was hearing from the Lord was similar, he was identifying her idols and showing her how she’d misplaced her identity on things of this world and relationships rather than finding her identity in Him. Daniella shared idols have to continually be knocked down because we’re prone to exalt people in our lives.

“Your happiness is not dependent on Zack” is what Daniella heard from the Lord during this time.

our feelings and our pasts

Feelings should not dictate our lives, but they are not meant to be suppressed. We need to be honest with the people that God has put in our lives. Instead of letting feelings rule us, give them over to God so He can redefine them. Feelings are God-given but they need to be given back over to Him so He can redefine them. Apart from Him, they’re broken. 

Last month we talked about putting our pasts to death, but in continuing that conversation Zack and Daniella make a very valid point…”The cross is in the past.  We look back to it to respond forward to our future”.
Zack kept thinking everything from his past was bad, including his relationship with Daniella.  Yet God called him to deal with those things and see it from a new angle.

“Our future can be redefined by looking to the past to work through what we walked through but first, I had to give my past over” — Zack

marriage and ministry

Unknowingly, Daniella and Zack showed up to the same beach to get baptized with their church on the same day years after they first dated. “I finally put the past in its right place and I saw the Lord’s hand in her life apart from me” Zack shares.

Daniella and Zack dated again soon after and have been married for two years now. Zack proposed on January 23, 2018. This project launched on January 23, 2019!

They work at opposite ends of the spectrum, Zack with the youth and Daniella with the elderly.  Zack was able to speak to the young girls at one of the camps their church leads and it was almost like it was a formal apology to 12-year-old Daniella.  They also share how their differences complement each other and help bolster the Kingdom of God. His extroverted tendency complements her introvert. Hear more on that in episode 15!

“Our differences help us out so much” — Daniella

resources

The Bible
The Meaning of Marriage — Tim Keller 
Parenting by the Book by John Rosemond

Check out all the photos we snapped while in Brooklyn, NYC! Daniella and Zack are from New Jersey. They woke up super early to meet my friends and me at Sey Coffee in Brooklyn and then we headed over to a space we found on Peer Space to record the interview and take some photos. They are also welcoming their first baby this year! You can find more from Daniella’s work we talk about on the podcast here — Leave A Piece of Him and her Instagram . You can find more from Zack here — https://www.instagram.com/zackery_peck/