Linda Obremski and Mariah Metoyer-Marino on Grieving with Hope
Two remarkable women with two remarkable stories. Join me for July’s episode as Linda Obremski and Mariah Metoyer-Marino share the journey they’ve been on since “losing” their husbands. And how that’s not really even it at all, they know where their husbands are… they aren’t lost but are home. They share the hope and comfort they find in knowing they will see them again and the beauty of finding their purpose in this new season they find themselves in. I love how Mariah said she does not live from the identity of “widow” but as a Daughter of the King, and Linda couldn’t agree more. Mariah and Linda actually knew each other long before this interview. Mariah’s parents were a part of Chuck Obremski’s bible study.
Intro:
Linda is a mother of 3, a grandmother of 10 (10 reasons to be joyful, we say) and was married for over 30 years to her high school sweetheart, Chuck Obremski.
Mariah is 24 years old. Mariah met her husband at age 15 at church. Tyler was a youth leader and Mariah was one of his students, they were friends first. It wasn’t until she was older that they started dating, but soon after he left for the marine corps, so they had a long-distance relationship. 3 months into boot camp they didn’t get to talk much, so a lot of handwritten letters were exchanged. Mariah and Tyler were married for almost 2 years before he was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia, passing away several months later. Ultimately she lives from her identity as a Daughter of the King. The term “widow” may be associated with the death of a spouse but both Linda and Mariah share out of all of life’s hats that’s the one they wear with their heads held highest, Daughter’s of the Most High God. That is our identity.
Linda and Chuck started dating when he was 15, she was 17. They dated 3 and a half years and were married in 1975. Linda admits they had a very rocky start, not believers when they met. Both were born and raised in Pittsburgh.
They were 18 and 20 when they got married, had a baby 6 months later. Chuck hadn’t really had any good marriage role models, parents had divorced. Without Christ at the center, nothing in their marriage was changing.
“It’s a dead-end street when you don’t have Jesus” - Linda
God intervened. Linda got a job at an employment agency without knowing it was a Christian company/family-run business. Chuck also got a job there and as they began working together, they started watching this couple’s life and wanted what they had — they way they loved each other, spoke to each other, treated their children, but didn’t know how to get it or what it was. The couple said, “It was Jesus.” They were determined to not let their marriage end. Chuck candidly shares in a book retelling his testimony that it was more out of pride than anything that they didn’t want their marriage to end (they wanted to prove the naysayers wrong) yet God is bigger and is sovereign and uses all things, even our stubbornness to draw us to Himself.
Both Linda and Chuck accepted the Lord the same night at a banquet they were invited to by this couple.
In his newfound faith, Chuck went out the next day to buy a Bible. He wanted to start reading God’s Word right away and God took him through a radical transformation. He was saturating himself in God’s Word and commentaries, he couldn’t get enough. He felt the call to “not sit still” but to teach. He later became the senior pastor of Kindred Community Church and was also chaplain to the Los Angeles Angels baseball team, LA Rams football team, and the Anaheim Ducks hockey team. Linda shares Chuck loved sports, loved people, and loved Jesus.
Is the term death of a spouse or the term “widow” okay to use or is it hurtful? What’s more helpful and accurate?
Mariah — “Most people don’t know what to say to someone who has lost a loved one. It can be an uncomfortable topic to talk about. “Widow” is such a weird term for me…a 24 year old widow, it’s heavy but it’s life. You say your vows “til death do us part” and to some extent, with Tyler being in the marine corps and the possibility of deployment, death did come up or I thought about that, that I could possibly “lose” my husband because of that. I never once considered walking through what we walked through. It’s not something you really can prepare for as much as you think you can.”
the diagnoses
Tyler and Chuck both were diagnosed with cancer. Tyler was diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia, which spread through his entire body.
It was a little over one year of being married that Mariah and Tyler received the diagnosis. It began with being in the hospital for 3 months. Mariah dropped everything, along with stopping her program at school. Tyler received three rounds of chemo, the last round did achieve remission and Mariah shares he had a great summer. They were really positive and hopeful that he had beat it, that the Lord would see him through it on Earth. But in August his health went downhill fairly quickly.
Sept 2, 2016 was the day he breathed his last on earth and his first in Heaven.
“He’s completely healed and in Heaven. Death can be God’s will.” — Mariah
“The last few days your prayers go from wanting earthly healing to ‘Lord just take him home, the pain is so bad’.”
Chuck’s diagnosis was made after a lump was found in his groin. The doctor that did that surgery to remove the tumor, did just that but saw blood which was troubling. They had no idea what that meant, and the test came back as soft tissue sarcoma. It is a really rare cancer, a deceptive cancer, as it can look benign. It was hard for the doctor to even pin or define. The cancer did travel to the bloodstream and soft tissue, Chuck ended up having a total of seven surgeries. He was admitted to UCLA for these surgeries. As he was wheeled into one of them, the last thing he said to Linda was, “Expect a miracle but accept God’s will.”
He was diagnosed in August 2003, had alternative chemo which allowed him to live 2 years past the diagnosis but breathed his last on earth but his first breath in Heaven on Sept 18, 2005. He lived to see and celebrate with the Angels when they won the World Series in 2002.
“He not only taught us how to live God’s Word but how to die.” — what the members of his church shared.
Linda shares how Chuck would schedule his appts. on Fridays or Mondays so he could be in the pulpit on Sundays. The color would come back into his face. “We saw a miracle every week really…”
Glory to God moments
During this time, Mariah constantly was thinking of Romans 8:28, God works everything together for good. The days in the hospital were hard, a lot of pain and sorrow but the Lord was so good during those times, she shares. “Yes we were in the valley but we were so close to Lord”.
“The closest I’ve ever been to God was in that hospital bed next to my husband receiving chemo. What a testament to who God is to bring a 19, 20-year old through that.” — Mariah
She shares the even harder days have been the last 3 years. “The first year, I felt kind of numb and trying to figure it out, I was in fight or flight mode. I didn’t want this to define me. The second year was harder than the first, I was feeling everything now, and then this third year the Lord has really redeemed me. You don’t see the moments of glory until you’re out of it. I felt I was out of God’s grip but He had me the whole time.”
Linda agrees that the first year you have all those firsts and people are there for you then as the second years comes, you find yourself more alone, the reality sets in. “I never was one to want to be by myself, yet God took all those fears away.” She’s been able to stay In their home by herself, yet has no fear. “God has filled my heart with Himself and His love and comfort.”
She shares that Chuck would tell her, “I’m not going to live a day longer, I’m not going due a day sooner than God has already appointed” and that has brought her so much comfort as well.
Another miraculous moment, Mariah shares with us — there is a video of Tyler in the hospital praying aloud after not having had the strength to speak. He hadn’t been able to hold conversations anymore when visitors came. Mariah shares he would just light up with joy as friends and family came but it took everything out of him to have company. The miraculous was a moment when his friends had come to gather around him to pray over him and Tyler started praying, they hadn’t heard words come out of his mouth in so long yet the Lord gave him words and the strength at that moment. Mariah shares she’ll still watch that video every now and then and how amazing it must be to have that incredible memory to rewatch. Mariah graciously shared it with me, I will try to upload it to the Instagram @themarriageprojectco later this month.
How has serving God looked new in this season?
Linda didn’t feel like she had any purpose after Chuck as they always ministered together. However, the Lord had big plans for her. She started a nonprofit ministry sharing Chuck’s sermons and getting Bibles into people’s hands in countries where they are not readily available. She has been to Uganda three times now! Talk about God helping overcome fears! She connected to a pastor who saw an interview of Chucks’ on TBN, a pastor in Africa no less, and he asked about Chuck’s sermon on the topic of Heaven. Through this new ministry and nonprofit they would mail out Bibles and sermons copied to iPods to the church in Uganda. They have built a school there and are supporting orphans through these buildings and desks and distribution of food. Linda even got to pray over the first brick that was laid at one of these schools.
“God gave me purpose and gave me Chuck’s passion”. God is still using him and his passion of getting God’s Word into anyone and everyone’s hands through his wife’s faith as the Lord has led her and empowered her by His Holy Spirit to do this important, Kingdom work.
Mariah was always so involved in everything and did a lot of serving with Tyler. She shares that after Tyler died, she had to step back, readjust and rediscover where she belonged. She was no longer married, no longer filled certain roles, or no longer “a young married” which were some of the very ministries she and Tyler had been a part of.
She stepped back from serving at church but was able to care for a friend’s grandma. That’s so the Lord, using you as a blessing to someone else as it blesses and refreshes you.
“Sometimes the Lord needs you to sit back and let Him do what He’s going to do, and He’ll let you know when he needs you again.” — Mariah
Linda also shares, there were many times it felt like “you have to be strong for everyone else.” She also felt there was a time to just be still and let the Lord be the strong One.
What Scripture would you share with someone if you knew you’d never meet them again?
Mariah: 1 John 5:11-13, “And this is the testimony: God has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. Whoever has the Son has life; whoever does not have the Son of God does not have life. I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may know that you have eternal life.”
Philippians 1:29, “For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him but also to suffer for him…”
“If I bring more glory to Him in suffering, then so be it.” — Mariah
Linda: 2 Timothy 4:7, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.”
Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”
Isaiah 41:10, “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
“Every day, we’re a day closer to eternity.” — Linda
Resources
Experiencing Grief by H. Norman Wright
If God is Good: Faith in the Midst of Suffering and Evil by Randy Alcorn
A Grace Disguised by Jerry Sittser
Hearing Jesus Speak Into Your Sorrow by Nancy Guthrie
A Place of Healing by Jodi Eareckson Tada
Suffering and the Sovereignty of God by John Piper and Justin Taylor
Trusting God Even When Life Hurts by Jerry Bridges
Limitless Life: You Are More Than Your Past When God Holds Your Future by Derwin W. Gray
A Widow’s Journey: Reflections on Walking Alone by Gayle Roper
Devotional — Streams in the Desert by LB Cowman
Learn more about the ministry in Uganda and listen to sermons from Chuck at www.chuckobremski.com
